Journey to Tie My Shoes

Sleep has evaded my nights for weeks. Going to bed was useless. Anxiety, excitement, impatience, and restlessness tossed me in and out of my warm blanket. My list of to do, my list of what not to do, and my need for quiet time and prayer competed for their proper place in my anticipated day.  Here we are the day before surgery. It's been 9 months of preparing physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually. A smile dons my face and it's a giddy one. No fear but readiness. Pain is anticipated and I am ready to work through it. Discipline and practice of all learned has been committed to mind. Life after today will be arduous and exhausting but a day will come when the routine, healthy habits, and tools will be common place. Regrets, fails, and discouragements will be met with a personal and spiritual resolve to give myself grace and move forward. Will I cry, complain, and whine? Most likely but it will be short lived. I made this choice. I was given this oppor...

It's been a long weekend. Not much to report re: the amazing liquid diet. It is boring but necessary. I learned that I can reduce my protein shakes after a call to my surgeon's nurse. I am able to add dry protein collagen packets to my soups, drinks, and yogurt to meet my protein needs. I have done well to stay liquid but I have failed to monitor the calories, protein, and carb gram intake. I have stayed within 900-1600 calories overall. I wasn't required to track these nutrition amounts but I wanted to. I wanted to stay authentic to the plan. The reason for neglect is I am in the nesting phase prior to surgery.  I don't know and haven't read about a nesting phase prior to weight loss surgery but it is a familiar phase I remember well. I feel the same about preparing for my homecoming after surgery as I did when I was preparing to bring home my newborn sons.  Small projects, cleaning, organizing, and holiday prep have been on my list of to dos and accomplishm...

The word hangry is appropriate for  many of us who have nagging hunger with no patience or temperament control when certain situations or people hit a trigger.  I should not be hungry if I  follow my schedule of fluids and get ALL 3-4 protein shakes in. However, I confess hangry has hit the household. I am still unwilling to consume the necessary protein shakes. I know I need to but I do not. Hangry has revealed itself in my sensitivity of emotions, frustration with daily tasks, and continued lack of energy and fatigue. This morning things were more than heated between me and my husband. The situation was not vital to life and death but one of many routine, familiar disagreements. This morning and several mornings I just do not have the patience nor desire to let things go. Lesson learned today DO the meal replacements...ALL of them. Consequences follow bad decisions, and living through them is not comfortable. The doctors and nutritionists behind this fine tuned liquid...

I have seen it, heard it, and most likely even practiced it...playing games with a diet.  You know when you are a program diet and points are assigned and you try to get as much food as you can for as little points. The quest in a diet to be satisfied with volume and flavor in order to stay focused and successful if only for a temporary weight loss. I shared last post my disdain for a lightly sweetened protein shake with fruit to eaten 3-4 times a day. I want savory. In my need or desire for more savory, I consumed 1 protein shake or none in the past 5 days. Those choices were less healthy. I was up and down in weight gain these past 5 days. I hadn't considered that the liquid diet was assigned not only to shrink my liver for an easier, more successful surgery but also the diet is very important for me to utilize the high protein to be able to better heal after surgery. Today my diet will take a more healthy, organized, and timely approach. I love using Pinterest for recipes, t...

"No Way!" A familiar shock and feeling stirred me up this morning.  How is it that I went from 252.8 to 254.6 this morning? Yesterday, I had less calories, and was more physically active than the day before.  Such is my relationship with the scale, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, and surprise drops and uplifts. During my prep for surgery readiness, I opted for additional therapy sessions with the psychologist. I was going through a difficult, emotional season in my life. I wanted advice and tools I could use to handle stress and emotional eating habits. I have seen too many gastric bypass patients regain their weight through this type of eating. On one visit I weighed in and gained not 1, not 3, not 5, not even 10 lbs but gained 14 pounds!  I was mortified that one could gain 14 lbs in 1 week.  She and I started writing down foods I ate the previous week. There was definite cause for weight gain but not 14 lbs. I left that week dumbfounded and discouraged. ...

In this house about 5:00 am most every morning, my husband grinds coffee beans to make a pot of coffee.  It is the most annoying, loud noise.  If you are a guest, or one of my sons who occasionally crash at our house, you cringe as you wake up to this terrible sound.  I have come to like it only as it indicates that soon my husband will be pouring me a mug full. My husband didn't drink coffee until about 6 years ago. He fell in love with French coffee while working in France on temporary assignment. He became quite the coffee snob and would only prepare in our home a certain brand and only from whole beans.  Sadly, he recently succumbed to pre-grounded coffee in the same brand due to the size of bag and availability at our local store.  However, as of yesterday, our home now hears the equally annoying and loud sound of my Ninja blender/food processor whizzing my protein shakes, and processing my soups to make them a fine liquid blend.  It seems our home is ...